Empty Enough

Bareness For Fullness

I believe there is great vulnerability in the receiving of a gift. As author Ann Voskmap states in her book, "One Thousand Gifts," the act of acceptance itself almost always requires the unclenching of the fist. Because an empty palm is just exactly that, --empty, it can be difficult for many of us to own up to the bareness of that. As we all know, it is only when we release that which is already in our hands that we will be able to embrace all we are being handed. 

James 1:17 says that, "Every good and perfect gift comes... down from the Father of Lights." Although it is, in fact, the Lord that gives us the gifts that we are most in need of, I myself have a strong tendency to doubt whether or not I wish to receive those gifts. Sometimes, His gifts take us by surprise. Sometimes, His gifts cause discomfort. Sometimes His gifts seem to be the exact opposite of what we really want. According to Voskamp, we must open ourselves to every gift that the Lord presents us with, regardless of whether or not we would choose those gifts for ourselves. 

Ann Voskamp made a list of God's gifts to her as an act of worship to Him. In other words, she became a seeker of divine beauty in hopes of refocusing her life around the many ways that God was revealing His love to her. Here's my own list. 

1. Tea pouring into cups

2. Newly baked chocolate chip cookies on a plate

3. A run through a new city

4. A friend's giggle

5. Golden retrievers 

6. Reading in the morning

A Thought for the day

A friend of mine recently told me that she was in the process of writing down one sentence per day in her journal. Her ideas are always inspiring to me, so I decided that I would try to write something, however small and meaningless, for each day of the rest of the Summer...

She is the kind of person that kisses the softened creases of an old lady's cheek and dances by herself under a star-filled sky. (June 5, 2011)

Sometimes I let you think I'm better than I am. (June 6, 2011)

My favorite thing to do in the world is listen to the stories of my best friends. (June 7, 2011)

Someone cut down all the buttercups. (June 8, 2011)

I'm saving up all my loving words for you. (June 9, 2011)

A 10th-month-old reached out for my arms today. (June 10, 2011)

I had a dream that the word 'fear' was etched into a table. (June 11, 2011)

I'm glad you have candles. (June 12, 2011)

"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy." -A quote given to me by Christie Cox (June 13, 2011)

It takes much courage to "call forth the best" in someone else. (June 14, 2011)

I can picture you old and grey, with nothing but your complaints to comfort you. (June 15, 2011)

I would rescue you if you needed me to. (June 16, 2011)

Listening is the only thing I can do. (June 17, 2011)

God seems to be using everyone else but me. (June 18, 2011)

Whenever someone tells me that they had a realization that proved helpful, or a thought that proved clarifying, I always wish I had been the one to offer it to them. (June 19, 2011)

"A perfect faith would lift us absolutely above fear."--A George Macdonald quote given to me by Christie Cox. (June 20, 2011)

"It's the closest thing to meeting God. -It's like missing someone before you actually meet them, and then realizing that you knew them all along." --Jeanette Markovich (June 25, 2011)

Will I be able to quiet a baby? (June 26, 2011)

It was one of those on-the-verge-of-tears days. (June 27, 2011)

It's amazing what someone will do when they feel all alone. (June 28, 2011)

Pain irritates me. I will never be the one that lies serenely in a hospital bed while friends and family look on admiringly, wondering how I could possibly be so brave and peaceful during such an ordeal. (June 29, 2011)

Am I deserving of such a promise? (June 30, 2011)

My sister puts her past and present into art. (July 1, 2011)

I love the sound of eggs being cracked and whisked in the morning. (July 2, 2011)

I know what it looks like to see someone emerge from a shroud of pain, and I know what it looks like to see someone still clinging tightly to that shroud. (July 3, 2011)

For a moment, I was all by myself, watching fireworks scatter and spray across the black. (July 4, 2011)

Sometimes I only see the flaws. (July 5, 2011)

I smiled the whole way through, even when the tears ran down my face. (July 6, 2011)

I am a jealous person. (July 7, 2011)

Every now and then, I will do or say something that I feel proud of, and every now and then, I wish you were there to smile about it. (July 8, 2011)

Why is this what keeps me awake at night? (July 9, 2011)

I see the most important part of me in you. (July 10, 2011)

I will not let this rule me, but teach me. (July 11, 2011)

What you love, is what I want to be. (July 12, 2011)

This afternoon, a little girl told me that her father had betrayed her... If only I could take away her pain. (July 13, 2011)

I can help people see how beautiful they are. (July 14, 2011)

I would do anything to make you smile. (July 15, 2011)

I think I'm becoming a little more sure of who I am. (July 16, 2011)

I wish I had the courage to dance my heart out. (July 17, 2011)

Why am I always worried that I won't have anything valuable to say? (July 18, 2011)

Every so often, I look over and there you are. (July 19, 2011)

Maybe we could be like this from now on. (July 20, 2011)

Sometimes nothing helps. Sometimes even the smallest thing helps. (July 21, 2011)

In the calm darkness, with the fireflies all around, I let myself think things I've never thought before. (July 22, 2011)

You strum the guitar with your calloused hands and to me, it sounds like the morning. (July 23, 2011)

I know you already know everything I'm telling you, but I can't help hoping that it helps somehow. (July 24, 2011)

Your words always healed me when I was hurting. I wish mine did the same for you now. (July 25, 2011)

I just thought things would be different by now. (July 26, 2011)

"Your brokenness has healed me." Justeen Roy (July 27, 2011)

I wanted it to be special, but it wasn't. (July 28, 2011)

Thank you for using me. (July 29, 2011)

What breaks open your heart when you start to pray? (July 30, 2011)

"Just because this is not the way that I have chosen for you, doesn't mean that there is no other way." (July 31, 2011)

Someday, I want to be able to take someone to all my favorite places... I just wish I was better at owning up to my favorites.  (August 1, 2011)

I could have a hand to hold... but I have You instead. There is no comparison. (August 2, 2011)

The greatest losses have the power to call forth the most courageous of all hopes. --After watching "Soul Surfer" (August 3, 2011)

Show me why I happen to be in this exact place, at this exact time, with this exact person. (August 4, 2011)

I love the gleaming flutter of bird wings in the morning light. (August 5, 2011)

God is weaving a beautiful tapestry out of the threads of your life. How could I not rejoice in that? (August 6, 2011)

Some conversations are specifically designed by God to bless you. (August 7, 2011)

Dear Lord, I am always asking You to heal my heart completely. Today however, I ask You to heal me at the exact time and in the particular way that will bring most glory to You. Heal me, not for my sake, but for Yours. (August 8, 2011)

Why is it so hard for me to say the thing that needs most to be said? (August 9, 2011)

I am wholly moved (August 10, 2011) --After watching the movie, "The Help."

A word of affirmation can change the course of someone's life. (August 11, 2011)

It is better to encourage growth by a gracious confrontation, rather than complain about the wrong that has been done you. (August 12, 2011)

Why do I always forget that a word of challenge may in fact be a word of freedom and grace? (August 13, 2011)

God, I miss you like clay misses hands. (August 14, 2011)

I suddenly came upon the morning, breaking open and spilling across the mountains. (August 15, 2011)

It's hard to say goodbye to someone who may not remember you the next time you see them. (August 16, 2011)

Beauty is a mother completely in harmony with her child. (August 17, 2011)

There is something so comforting about feeling the weight of a sleeping infant against my chest. (August 18, 2011)

Help me to accept what You have assigned me without resentment. (August 19, 2011)

"Cause me" to love, to serve, to relinquish, to obey. Cause me to do all that I cannot do on my own. (August 20, 2011)

If I lose Your perspective, I lose everything. (August 21, 2011) --After auditioning for Romeo & Juliet

You deserve to be honored. (August 22, 2011)

I am growing in confidence. (August 23, 2011)

It's an incredibly humbling feeling, knowing that someone is proud of you. (August 24, 2011)

It's hard to not be chosen. (August 25, 2011)

I want to learn the importance of self-ownership. (August 26, 2011)

I wish I could watch you become a father. (August 27, 2011)

I understand her on a deeper level than I thought I would. (August 28, 2011)

(August 29, 2011)

That reminds me...

Have you ever smelled a smell that brought you instantly back to the place you were when you last smelled it? You know what I'm talking about, don't you?


You wander past the open window of a house and catch a whiff of the same laundry detergent your grandma used to use. A stranger passes by you on the street and you realize with noticeable surprise that she just so happens to be wearing your ex's perfume. You're having breakfast at the local cafe and the vase of lilacs that is perched atop the table reminds you of the one you picked for your very first childhood sweetheart. 


Some smells are familiar, even nourishing in a way, -like the scent of a babies' neck or the fragrance of your lover's hair. These are the smells that can reduce us to tears or cause our faces to ease into secret smiles. These are the smells that remind us of what once was, and what still remains. 


Other smells do the exact opposite. Other smells are repugnant, even sickening in a way, -like the smell of something rotting, or the smell of something already dead. These are the smells that can wrinkle our noses or cause our stomachs to twist in agony. These are the smells that we avoid, the smells that remind us of everything we wish we could forget. 


Like I said before, a smell has a certain transportive power. It can take you places you may or may not want to go. However, although a smell can carry with it the memory of something meaning, it is not the smell itself that is meaningful. It is the person or the thing that gives off that smell that provides it with its power. 


We all give off a certain scent.


Do you remember when you were younger, and used to trade clothes with your close friends? Do you remember that smell that always seemed to linger in the fabric long after a thorough washing? Eventually, you realized you wouldn't be able to remove it even if you tried. It would always be there because it represented the wearer. 


As believers in Christ, we can choose what kind of scent we will give off. We can choose what (or Who) we will remind people of.


"For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." --2 Corinthians 2:15

The Orange

The bright oranges lie calmly in the fruit bowl. For a long while, they are content merely to sit, leaning against the comforting roundness of each other. Suddenly, a thieving hand reaches in and pulls from the bowl one lone orange. 

Panic stirs in the heart of him. Why must he be taken away? Why must he leave all he knows? 

He becomes aware of a ripping sensation. The colorful shield that has so long protected him from the outside world is being torn away. Little by little, his skin is peeled off... leaving behind a fleshy middle and a few strings of matted whiteness. 

He is stripped, defenseless. He no longer has a purpose for existing.

When he is quite sure that his life couldn't get any worse, his world changes again. In one swift moment, he realizes something: He has not been created to sit in a bowl for the rest of his life. He has not even been created to protect himself.
No. 
He has been created to be enjoyed by others. He has been created to nourish others. He has been created to reveal his middle. He has been created to share the heart of who he is.

Before & After

There's a line in "Enchanted April" about "befores & afters" that draws such a sadness from me. The phrase is about moving away from the past and stepping into the beauty of the present.

What I am realizing now is that, just because my "afters" have begun, doesn't necessarily mean that I am living in them.

God, help me to walk towards life, not away from it, knowing that is where I will find You.